


Radar Dishes

by HyperKid



Series: Tiefling Fuckery [5]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Gen, Horns again!, Humour, Multi, Other, post Hour of Honour, they have many uses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:07:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22540717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HyperKid/pseuds/HyperKid
Summary: Nott makes the grave mistake of asking Molly what the fuck his horns are about anyway. In her defence, they’re all drunk. And she still gets exactly the answer she deserves.
Relationships: Background PolyNein, Beau/Yasha/Jester/Caleb/Fjord/Molly
Series: Tiefling Fuckery [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1343806
Comments: 28
Kudos: 142





	Radar Dishes

**Author's Note:**

> HK: Look, I didn’t post anything in like a week, I needed some crack?   
> Mollymauk: No one asked?   
> HK: Yeah I think I’m just setting unrealistic expectations for myself. On the plus side, it’ll help me keep burning through the backlog?   
> Mollymauk: How is that by the way?   
> HK: Piled high with six new Tiefling Fuckery entries as of last night.   
> Mollymauk: And I am always happy for ways to add more.   
> HK: Look, I need to work on the Magic Lube Thursdays for a bit, I wanna do 12 in 2020.   
> Mollymauk: Did anyone anywhere say they couldn’t be both?   
> HK: .... No, no they did not. Feed me. 
> 
> WARNINGS!! Bad language, minor violence of the Beau-punch-Molly variety? And booze. There’s booze. So many sins!!! 
> 
> Disclaimer: genuinely no idea if these are even still a thing but I’m gonna keep saying I don’t own shit until Tal sells me Molly’s backstory.

Lowering her mug with a somewhat slurred scowl, Nott narrowed her eyes at Molly, equally drunk on the other side of the table. 

“Why d’you have horns anyway? Why’re they so big?” She grumbled, squinting to try and pull the four shimmering silhouettes into focus. 

To his credit Molly didn’t miss a beat, shrugging as one hand rose automatically to one of the larger charms strung off his horns. 

“They’re a nat’ral defence. They can detect magic.” 

Further down the table Beau leaned forward on her elbows, fighting a hiccup and losing. 

“Fuck off.” 

Molly turned, swaying a little in his seat and catching himself on the table with hand and tail, a broad grin on his face. 

“‘S true. I can tell you where Caleb is at alllllll times.” 

“That’s just cuz you’re fuckin’ him half the time,” Fjord muttered, fighting a smile with at least marginally more success than Beau. His tone was fond, though, and the smile soft as he watched Molly sway. 

If the tiefling started to fall, he might need someone to catch him. Shifting a little in his chair, Fjord’s stomach lurched suddenly. 

He might need someone to catch ~him~ if it came to it. 

Nott, more used than any of them to holding her drink, jabbed a finger at Molly. 

“Do it now then! Where’s Caleb!” 

A quick glance around the room showed their other two members that the wizard was no longer present, and neither was Jester. Which didn’t do much to limit the options. 

Calling on all the dignity he could muster, Molly drew himself up, both hands rising on either sides of his horns as though gathering energy. The gentle wobble sort of added to the effect so he didn’t worry too much about stopping. Rolling his eyes to the heavens, he hummed a low base note. 

And fuck it, why not? 

Stiffening, his tail suddenly pointed straight up. Rotated slowly, fully extended, and pointed to approximately where Caleb and Nott’s room was above them. 

“Jester’s taken him to bed.” Which, of course, he’d noticed when the two began making their way for the stairs not long before. 

“Guess that’s the last we’ll see of them,” Fjord chuckled, glancing around. “Think there’s any chance we could get some water?” 

“They said we drink on th’ house for winnin’ the hour of honour,” Beau said with a shrug, “‘s gotta include party poopers.” 

Fjord raised a hand somewhat unsteadily to his chest, feigning great hurt as well as he could while hammered. Not half badly, to be honest. 

“Hey...” 

The monk waved him off with a dismissive noise, scowling at Molly. 

“‘M gonna ask Jester an’ she’s gonna tell me you’re full of shit.” 

The tiefling grinned back, spreading his arms and wobbling again. 

“Be my guest. Hers are a little smaller of course, so her range isn’t as good.” 

Almost as though summoned by their words, Jester reappeared in the doorway, spotted their group, and hurried over cheerfully. She still looked mostly undishevelled as she dropped to sit next to Beau, bright and cheery as a summer’s morning. 

Fjord got an uncomfortable premonition of what the morning would hold and excused himself quickly, heading to the bar for a round of water to stave off the worst of it. As he left Beau draped an arm over Jester’s shoulders to shoot Molly an evil look over her shoulder. 

“Hey Jes, do your horns do anything cool?” She kept the question purposely vague, hoping the cleric would at least come up with something different. 

Jester paused, shot a quick glance at Molly, and grinned. 

“I mean, my mom’s can detect magic but mine are a little small for that right now?” 

Molly burst out laughing as Beau tossed both fists into the air, exclaiming dramatically, 

“You fucking coordinated this! I don’t know how but I know you did!” 

Stifling her own giggles, Jester leaned sideways into Beau and had to straighten quickly as the monk swayed. 

“I mean, we can prove it if you like?” 

“How?” Nott asked sharply, squinting angrily between the two fuzzy blurs that were probably the tieflings. 

Around then, Fjord made his way back over, four mugs of water in hand. He was walking very slowly, placing his feet with the overdramatic caution of a man who wasn’t sure if the floor was moving. He set the mugs down carefully in front of his fellow competitors and nodded to Jester. 

“Gonna have a milk coming if you need it, Jester. What’re we talkin’ about?” 

“They’re gonna prove they can’t fuckin’ detect magic,” Beau grumbled, scowling into her mug as she pulled it toward her. Good sense dictated she actually drink it, or do at least something about the massive hangover she probably had coming. 

“Prove we can,” Molly corrected cheerfully, scooping up his mug and downing it, apparently before realising it was just water. 

Hands folded in front of her, Jester grinned. 

“We totally can. How about if I close my eyes and Molly uses his Blood Maledict?” 

“That makes noise,” Nott pointed out sharply, her grip firm on her remaining ale and pointedly ignoring the water. 

“Hooooow aboooout we hunt my symbol then?” Jester tried, patting down her skirt to find the symbol on its chain. “It’s not exactly normal magic but it counts?” 

“You’re just gonna cheat,” Beau complained, sprawling out across the table and folding her arms over her head. 

“Or you could just admit they can do it,” Fjord offered innocently, taking another swig of his water. 

Both tieflings brightened as one as they turned to him. 

“Have you seen it before, Fjord?” Molly asked with a broad smile, leaning forward with his elbows on the table. 

The half orc smiled demurely and curled both his hands around his mug, the picture of innocence. 

“You see a lot of strange stuff at sea,” was all he would say, even when both Nott and Beau began yelling at him. Molly broke into cackles again and Jester giggled delightedly, shuffling her stool closer to the table. 

“And what’s the strangest thing you ever saw?” 

*** 

The night ended peacefully enough, all parties making it safely back to their rooms and beds with minimal Jester supervision. It would have been easy to believe the horn conversation had been forgotten as just another part of the drunken revelry. 

Right up until the next morning when Molly straightened abruptly at the bar, sticking his tail out in a vibrating point to the door. 

“Caleb’s coming.” 

He didn’t quite dodge Beau’s punch, but most of the force of it was blunted. 

**Author's Note:**

> HK: Everybody be like Moomin this month, okay? Soft and round with no sharp edges, perfect for cuddles.


End file.
